Carol A. More, Artist
Yep, I took another art class and I think I have this ‘thing’ figured out. It has to do with managing my expectation. So, based on the sorry, self-pitying attitude I copped in my cold wax/oil painting class two months ago, I sat myself down before this weekend’s class and had a good, stern talk.
Manage your expectations
This class was about layering. In a journal format. With fluid acrylics. And a $20 materials fee payable upon entry. In cash. Two of the longest days of my life.
Why, you ask? I’ll cut to the chase here because I know you want to read other blogs before your life expires. I show up with my can’t-seem-to-drop-it-I’m-in-charge-because-I-was-once-a-corporate-executive attitude. Introductions started the 2-day class, and it went downhill from there for me. I have to be so competitive and such a show off. I’m working on it but somewhere in the folds of my gray matter, I must be getting something out of that posturing so it keeps coming back over and over again.
Me: “Hello everyone (cheesy, sparkling smile you can see right through), I’m Carol More, and I began creating art in a fire-y frenzy in 2010 and haven’t stopped. And I have a piece in a Chicago gallery and another in a Los Angeles gallery and the first JURIED (I’m sure my voice was shrill by now as I maintained eye contact with all) show, one of my two submitted (who the hell cares, Carol?!) pieces was selected…blah blah blah…” I can’t believe I didn’t worm in the fact that only 9% of the submitted artwork was selected, but trust me, I dropped it on the dime during the two days more than once. Lord have mercy on my arrogant and self-important, boring soul.
The teacher was excellent and of course demonstrated things I already knew (yeah, right). I brought my current show-off-y, art style to the table and rushed through my huge box of extras (bigger than anyone else’s), used just about everything I had in my bag of tricks. On a double spread journal page. The first day. My art looked horrible. Self-critic aside, it looked awful. I blew through all the recommend techniques offered by the instructor (he is not known for his overworking a page which is what attracted me to the class in the first place, right?) and honestly, I was sure I had a better way. I’m baring my soul to y’all here, have mercy. Discouraged and quiet by days’ end, I pouted to my truck and drove home, resolving to actually start over the next day and this time…I would follow the teacher’s layering path.
Arrived bright and early the next morning full of (fake) humility and resolve to slow my butt down and actually welcome techniques that would allow my work to be less cluttered. I wasn’t in the door 2 minutes before I brought my phone out and practically wrangled the teacher to view my ‘art’. His face was impassive and I even saw a flicker of disinterest and thought I saw a convo bubble above his head that read “What is wrong with you, lady?”. Wilted again (my ego is huge I confess) I asked myself WHY I had to do that? The answer loud and clear:
“You felt you were a failure yesterday and after building yourself up to screaming-crowd universal popularity, you felt you had to gain control again, didn’t you, Carol? Carol, I’m seeing a pattern here…and it doesn’t work.”
The Inner Critic
Yep, my inner critic is a masterful bully. Is it any wonder that every time I have a reading with a psychic or tarot card reader, they all place a warm and gentle hand on my hand and say with compassionately-make-me-cry eyes, “You’re way too hard on yourself.”
So…nope, the work above is NOT from my recent art class and YEP, I learned several techniques I can use in my future work and NOPE, I didn’t keep any of the stuff I created in my class and YEP, I met some of the most wonderful fellow-artists in that room … once I left my ego in the truck and began to allow their lovely inspiration to penetrate and work its magic. Sigh. Life brings lesson after lesson after lesson after lesson….Love to all and wishing YOU some magic!
Until we blog again…..XOXO