Collage · Collage - From Trash · Miscellaneous · Mixed Media

Tears, a small study in art by Carol A. More 2017

heartache1 cold wax and oil Carol A More artist 2017

“Heartache I”

Carol A. More, Artist

cold wax, oil, found ephemera on oil paper
2017 – NFS

Tears, a study

I began to create art (in a frenzy) during a time in my life when everything I believed was true was anything but. I had never felt so lost, betrayed and left behind. Nothing at all made sense. And since I’ve promised to always be honest here, I nearly lost my life. Nothing could have ever prepared me to walk through this fire. Nothing.  I realized it then and I realize it now….I had to walk through it. No shortcuts. No easy paths. No side trips. Straight through.

I cried more tears than I thought possible. For the first time in 5 decades on earth I felt my heart literally break.

It was at this time I began an art journal. I never pretended it was ‘art’, but I knew that by pouring out my grief, confusion and sadness on the page, I felt a subtle trace of hope. Page by page, I sought the truth by digging deep, scrawling words across the pages and then burying them beneath countless layers of paint, gel medium, gesso, paper. The first step out of the depths of grief is a tiny glimmer of hope.  One day, it was much more than a glimmer, but a blindingly beautiful spotlight that has burned brighter with each day.

An Art Journal to Heal

I never look through this journal – I’ve even considered burning it. But it’s my testament to healing and reaching the other side and for that reason alone, it remains.  I was raised in a Christian home and I believe in angels. There were so many who crossed my path then and now.

tomorrow 2014 001

“tomorrow will come”

Journal Entry – Carol A. More

Madisyn Taylor wrote,

“When we give in to the prickling behind our eyes and the lump in our throat to let teardrops fall from our eyes, we allow our feelings to surface so they can be set free. Shedding tears can sometimes make us feel better, although it can feel like the tears will never end once the floodgates are open. There is no shame in letting tears flow freely and frequently. Tears are as natural to us as is breathing. There is beauty in allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to shed tears. Open up, release your tears, and let your feelings flow.”

To this I say, amen.  Amen.

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8 thoughts on “Tears, a small study in art by Carol A. More 2017

  1. Beautiful art Carol. I’m glad you didn’t burn your journal – it was part of your healing process and part of what was happening to to you at that time – it should be kept as part of your journey through life. I hope life is much brighter and more positive for you now. Thank goodness we have art to use as a medium for expressing our feelings, hopes, fears, passions…

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  2. I couldn’t have said it any better, Evelyn. Thank YOU for caring and for your kind words. They matter. I do believe there will come a time when I will revisit the journal in its entirety, with all its hidden secrets and symbols. It does sound a bit dramatic (I’m so guilty of this!) but my creativity gene surfaced at the perfect time and I feel confident I can navigate whatever life has in store.

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  3. I am interested in what you said here. I underwent a similar process over the past few years, related to health issues, and art was essential to me, although I did not directly address my situation as you did. I understand why you have held on to it. I think for me, I would have burned it. Ceremonially. But that is me, I am not saying you should have. Anyway, I am glad you are on this side of it now.

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  4. Thank you, Claudia. I do think of the ceremonial burning of the journal – frequently in fact. For the simple reason that it served its divine purpose. I carry the experience in my heart and perhaps that’s enough. For today, it’s with me but who knows as I evolve spiritually, what will make sense later on. I’m sorry you have faced a situation that was difficult and I pray you’re making your way through. Your art speaks of life to me. It’s graceful. The way you profile the everyday and ordinary and your rich and bright color palette – its testimony to healing and treasuring simple pleasures and moments. You are healing yourself and others with your art. We all have to walk through at least one darn fire where there’s no way out but through. Having been there, we have a gift for others, right? Deep compassion for suffering. When we suffer we have two choices: quit or keep going. I’ve always taken the latter – always making my own path I guess. For sure, we are not the people we once were and in my case….THANKFULLY! Love and healing light is coming to you from me. Thank you for all your gentle inspiration.

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  5. What a lovely observation, K. Absolutely! I actually laid down black oil paint below the ‘tears’ and then white and of course more oil / wax. Very symbolic for me. I should have started with white, then black and then white again…My life was a fairy tale until…it no longer was. While it’s no fairy tale now, it’s an incredible life. Thank you for your comments and plethora of inspiration from your own blog. XOXO

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  6. ❤️ beautiful. In your words and your images you touch so much truth here. It was in my darkest days I began to art journal too. Those books are like scars. Reminders of pain but also remnants of survival, part of our character, a record of those times. Much love my friend. X

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  7. Deep gratitude for your loving words of understanding. “Those books are like scars” – beautifully said, Mixy. Beautifully said. Scars….testimony of our desire to live in the light. A friend once said “Beware of anything or anyone with scars for they will shine their light on your shadows.” The truth, huh?

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